My Characters Being Irritating

Ah, it's that time of year again. It's getting colder, I'm huddled indoors, and I can't think of a better time to sit down and write! One of the things I find most-

The Protagonist of my book, striding into the room: Speaking of writing, what are you doing?

Uh. I'm writing a blog post.

Protagonist: Exactly. And why, may I ask you, are you writing this instead of the fifteen-page novel you started forever ago? The novel, might I add, that I've been stuck in for an unrealistic amount of time.

It hasn't been that long!

Protagonist: You haven't opened it in six months.

Oh. It really has been that long. But hey, c'mon, I've been plotting it! It's not like I completely abandoned your story. It just takes some time, doing all of that extremely hard and... important writing work. You know. Plotting.

Protagonist: Uh-huh. I demand to see your internet search history.

No! Wait- Hey, hands off; don't make me give you a tragic backstory in chapter seven!

Protagonist: Ha! As if you'd ever even get to chapter seven.

That was mean!

Antagonist, bursting into the wind with shadows rising and dark winds howling dramatically: And I can be meaner, madam. Hand over the computer.

Protagonist: I called for it first, so- Hold up, were you waiting outside the door this entire time so you could have a dramatic entrance?

Antagonist: I can neither confirm nor deny.

Protagonist: And where did that wind come from all of a sudden...

Listen you two, we can talk about that later. Antagonist, I thought you were still on page five plotting your evil scheme. What are you doing here? Hey! Hey! Give that back!

Antagonist: Ha! Now I have the computer, and I'm going to see your search history to see why you've been neglecting us, and I don't think I have to tell you anything.

No, please, I'll get back to writing as soon as possible; I promise! No, not the search history!

Protagonist, reading over Antagonist's shoulder: *horrified gasp* This is it? This is what you've abandoned us for?

Antagonist: You're even worse than me.

I'm sorry, I just-

Antagonist: NINE HOURS OF YOUTUBE TUTORIALS ON HOW TO PLAY THE HARMONICA? You don't have have a harmonica!

I mean, I could always get one...

Antagonist: You're missing the point!

Protagonist: Don't get me wrong, Antagonist, I still hate you and everything since you killed my father and blew up my teacup collection-

How do you even know about that yet??

Protagonist: BUT! But, I have to agree with you this time. The author really is missing the point.

And... What point is that?

Antagonist: That you're a horrible writer who doesn't care about her characters and the suffering they're forced to go through.

Ouch. When you said you were meaner, you weren't joking.

Protagonist: Look, Author, all we want is for you to stop wasting time and work on your story. We're your creations, your children-

Antagonist: I wouldn't go that far, buddy

Protagonist: -and perhaps, one day, your story could change the world! Think of all the lives who would be touched by your poignant writing, your prose, your gripping drama and exceptional characters, like*cough* me

You just want me to get you to the scene where you discover you're actually royalty and get to boss people around.

Protagonist: Focus on the message, not the motive.

*sigh* Fiiiiine. I'll get back to work, and I won't get distracted. Thanks for your, er, encouragement, guys.

Antagonist: Think nothing of it.

Protagonist: My pleasure, madam.

*long silence*

Antagonist: Hey, since we're already here and everything, how about discussing me getting a secret lair? With a moat, and a catapult that launches lighting!

Protagonist: Could this conversation also include the possibly of me getting a better sword?

Sometimes I really don't like you guys...

Don't miss out on the next post with my characters, when we meet the the Adorable Evil Sidekick and talk about character development and cupcakes! Until next time, keep writing, y'all!

-Serena